5 steps to protect your child from child abuse
1. Learn the facts.
1 in 5 children are sexually solicited while on the Internet
About 35% of victims are 11 years old or younger
30-40% of children are abused by family members
Nearly 40% are abused by older or larger children
Serial perpetrators may have as many as 400 victims in their lifetimes.
2. Minimize opportunity for child sexual abuse.
Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families, enjoying family activities, earning trust and gaining time alone with children.
Think carefully about the safety of any isolated, one-on-one settings. Choose group situations when possible.
Think carefully about the safety of situations in which older youth have access to younger children. Make sure that multiple adults are present who can supervise.
Set an example by personally avoiding isolated, one-on-one situations with children other than your own.
Monitor children's Internet use. Offenders use the Internet to lure children into physical contact.
Drop in unexpectedly when the child is alone with an adult or another youth, even if it is a trusted family member.
Make sure outings are observable - if not by you, then by others.
Ask adults about the specifics of planned activities before the child leaves your care. Notice their ability to be specific.
Talk with the child following the activity. Notice the child's mood and whether he or she can tell you with confidence how the time was spent.
Find a way to tell adults who care for children that you and the child are educated about child sexual abuse. Be that direct.
3. Talk about it.
The abuser shames the child, points out that the child let it happen, or tells the child that his or her parents will be angry.
The abuser is often manipulative and may try to confuse the child about what is right and wrong, or tell them the abuse is a game.
The abuser sometimes threatens to harm the child or a family member.
Children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family.
Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent. For this reason, training for people who work with children is especially important.
Children may tell portions of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else to gauge adult reaction.
Teach children that it is against the rules for adults to act in a sexual way with them; use examples.
Teach them what parts of their bodies others should not touch.
Start early and talk often. Use everyday opportunities to talk about sexual abuse.
4. Learn the signs.
Physical signs of sexual abuse are not common, although redness, rashes/swelling in the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other such symptoms should be carefully investigated. Also, physical issues associated with anxiety, such as chronic stomach pain or headaches, may occur.
Emotional or behavioral signals are more common. These can run from withdrawal and depression to unexplained anger and rebellion.
Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate can be a red flag.
Be aware that in some children, there are no signs whatsoever.
5. React Responsibly.
Don’t overreact - when you react to disclosure with anger or disbelief, the child will likely: Feel even more ashamed and guilty; shut down, change or retract the story, when, in fact, abuse is actually occurring; change the story to match your questions so future tellings appear to be “coached.” This can be very harmful if the case goes to court later.
Offer support:
Think through your response before you react. You'll be able to respond in a more supportive manner
Believe the child and make sure the child knows it; Thank the child for telling you and praise the child's courage
Encourage the child to talk, but don't ask leading questions about details. Asking about details can alter the child's memory or events. If you must ask questions to keep the child talking, ask open-ended ones like What happened next?"
Seek the help of a professional who is trained to interview the child about sexual abuse.
Professional guidance could be critical to the child's healing and to any criminal prosecution.
Assure the child that it's your responsibility to protect him or her and that you'll do all you can.
Report or take action in all cases of suspected abuse, both inside and outside the immediate family.
Don't panic. Sexually abused children who receive support and psychological help can and do heal.
Report your discovery immediately to law enforcement.
Tell the child's name and where he or she lives.
Tell where you are at the present time, where the child is, and where the offender is, if known.
Tell what the child said to you.
Tell what interactions you saw between the alleged offender and the child.
Tell what other behaviors, if any, you've observed in the alleged offender.
Tell what signs in the child you've seen.
Tell what access the alleged offender has to the child.
*Information from the Darkness to Light: End Child Sexual Abuse website
